“Elizabeth, how are you? I’m back from the brink! We should arrange that long overdue meet x”

“Hi Craig, welcome back. I am fine, February is finally over!
I’d love to meet….. what days work for you next week?”

“Does Tuesday work for you?! This has been quite the build up! x”

“Yes it has……… Tuesday works 
At what time were you looking at?
And where?”

“Would you fancy visiting me in Shoreditch?! As per your suggestion, maybe we circumvent the bar/cafe this time ”

“I’d love that Craig, we don’t want any more delays….. see you then. Will keep in touch when I’m on my way.
Time-wise?”

“I can do anytime that works for you. Unfortunately I’ve left it too late to get into the ‘nice’ work hotel - but we do have a hotel! Head to the Hub Shoreditch on Quaker Street! Looking forward to it x”

“Me too ”

(Tuesday morning)

“Hi Elizabeth, it’s dawned on me that this life isn’t much for me. I’m in a serious dating frame of mind so we should probably both focus elsewhere. Sorry to let you down (again) x”

Craig and I have met twice (drinks only). He is forty-three years old, tall, handsome and sharp. I really enjoyed his intelligence, strong mindedness and clarity. Sex gets all better for me if I’m mentally challenged and I looked forward to our long anticipated sex date. Alas, it vanished almost the moment it appeared.

Doesn’t serious dating always start with casual dating ?? I think Craig doesn’t really know what he wants……

Craig reminds me of someone else. Another gent who is extremely intelligent but challenged in a different way. My thoughts have often brought me back to Henry over the past few months.

Henry was very confident when he first reached out to me. He was persuasive, at times insistent, looking for a regular lover, for someone to explore a deeper connection with. He is a twenty-seven years old man interested only in ladies in their forties.

Our correspondence petered out because I wasn’t sure whether I felt sexually interested. I didn’t hear from him for over a week until one afternoon he texted me, I didn’t have anything else to do so I invited him to my place for a tea (simply because I was too lazy to go out!) Let me clarify that this was NOT a sex date. I decided to meet out of curiosity, to see what he’s all about.

His very dynamic intelligence became soon apparent. So animatedly he shared with me this or that opinion that I begun feeling very intrigued. Whether or not I agreed with him didn’t matter, he had such an articulate force, his thoughts were clever and well thought out, the exchange felt almost electrifying, it is rare for me to find someone who raises my interest so fast and to this level. He was downright fascinating but I still didn’t want to have sex with him and continued to push him back into his chair whenever he made a move to come and kiss me.

Into his talk there gradually appeared references of his past girlfriends. He told me that sometimes he goes a month without cumming. The build up of physical energy and mental clarity he eventually reaches by withholding semen is apparently spectacular. He begun telling me how beneficial sperm retention is for him. I asked him what did his girlfriends think about him choosing not to cum for a month ?!! He told me that he would take care of them for sure but at the end, after he has released them he would always stop himself. He mentioned a religious dream he had had….. I thought how beautifully impressionable is the mind of those in their twenties. He said that sometimes, with a girl, at the very brink of him cumming, his body would give him a clear no, suggesting that the experience with this particular partner wasn’t worth it him losing his sexual energy over. He would then stop himself, most certainly help her cum in every other way he can, and then bring things to a close.

Omg…… I know that for particularly sensitive people sexual energy is precious and can be unstable, they receive a positive feeling in return only if the connection is completely right. Sometimes not even then……. He told me of how bad he sometimes feels after cumming. How the anticlimax at times cripples him. I can understand how such a reaction would bring this young man to gather in his religious dream that sexual energy is not something he should dispense so easily with. Or that there is even an element of guilt in it. I asked myself what the hell was he doing then with me….. but something else entirely happened.

I’ve been so clear in not wanting to have sex with him. I must have pushed away his kisses almost ten times by then. He was brilliant and very amusing but nothing of all he’d said had any effect on me sexually. Until he shared how bad he sometimes feels after cumming. All of a sudden I underwent a total reversal. His predicament really touched me and all my resistance was gone. I now wanted to take care of him. I felt what was very clearly some kind of motherly caring instinct (alas, the only motherly caring instinct I ever feel for men is sexual), so I turned around and kissed him, I genuinely wanted to give him what he so insistently came to me for.

I found this entirely illogical shift taking hold over me remarkable. It is so rare. As much as I’ve been dead set all along in not fucking him, I was now fully intentioned to caringly give him release. Where I pushed away his kisses before, I now kissed him with affection. I wanted to give him what he wanted, his body language had been clear the entire evening, he was really aroused and couldn’t wait any longer to be inside me. I put a condom on him and let him enter me, I hugged him tightly, with warmth, and in less than five minutes it was over. He had cum.

Immediately afterwards we were still connected. He told me how he couldn’t believe he had cum so fast, that it usually takes him a long while. Pretty soon though his vibe changed. I noticed it. He begun feeling uncomfortable, his mood and mind underwent a slump he fought out of politeness, he was still sitting on my bed, naked, but I saw the gloom gradually taking hold over him, underneath his polite efforts to be friendly I sensed struggle, I realized that the same thing was happening now with me. His orgasm affected him very negatively. I told him “Henry, I see that you are beginning to feel unwell, don’t force yourself to stay just to be nice to me, if you feel the need to leave please feel free to, I will understand. Do what is right for you.” He stood up, apologized, got dressed and in no time was gone.

I never heard from him again.