But something extremely unusual happened to me.

“I couldn’t believe my own mind, yet I felt massively turned on by it all."

The other day I was on my way to a reformer Pilates class when he called me from Singapore. In between meetings on a solo journey he decided to catch up with me.

We have been in touch on and off for months. We’ve flirted sometimes however rather in the form of a joke, we haven’t crossed that line nor was I sure whether I wanted to…… he was attractive, he was alpha and challenging, but he travelled a lot and we barely saw each other, I didn’t feel this game to be in any way pressing so I took my time and was mostly casual with him.

Something happened during this call from Singapore that shocked me and made me crazy for him. Not sure why he did that but all of a sudden he walked into a men’s room, placed the phone on the small ledge below the mirror and above the urinals (we were on a video call) and did his business while still on call with me. Taken aback, his confidence and nonchalance begun to turn me on.

OK.

Maybe this was a way to show me how dominant he is, or how much he doesn’t give a f*ck, or how comfortable he is with me, or how much closer he wants to get…. Whatever it was, I needed some time to process but my body reacted much faster, bizarrely his action turned me on a lot and I found it very hard to concentrate on anything else in the next few hours.

I’d arrived at the studio, my class was about to start, I had to reluctantly terminate our call. Feeling more and more unsettled as the class begun, I found it near impossible to focus on my workout. Visions of being in a shower with him naked as he golden showered me became impossible to brush off. These begun hunting me without respite. I’ve NEVER been of a mind to do this with anyone but my mind became relentless. I saw myself on my knees, holding his powerful thighs, him towering above me and letting his own hot liquid descend everywhere on me. I loved to rub it on my boobs, giving him my face, opening my mouth and extending my tongue. He looked at me in the eyes the entire time, I wanted him completely and in this perverse (very atypical of me) way I felt that I was also entirely his.

I couldn’t believe my own mind, yet I felt massively turned on by it all. Massively. I barely, just barely managed to go through my workout and finish it. Weird, entirely unlike me, my body’s reaction was unmistakable. I couldn’t push away from my mind the image of him standing in front of the urinals, looking at me, talking as if nothing was the matter. Increasingly wild my fantasies carried on waving scenarios of us in the shower, the Pilates teacher continued with her instructions, dance music played at full blast but my fingers itched so badly to go back to my phone and text him and call him back, I had to literally force myself to focus on what went on around me.

I’d become aware of another discomfort….. I’d become extremely wet……………..

After the class I decided to send him an email and tell him everything - not because I wanted to exactly realise all this with him but because I wanted to be completely open about the effect he’s just had on me. Our conversation changed from this moment onwards, not drastically, but between us there lodged a very clear element of unexpressed tension, ever on standby. We haven’t met yet since but we both know that when we do it’ll be an intense adventure none of us has ever had yet.